Drops of Blood
by smarklez
Summary: The family is falling apart of the invasion and Mikey feels at fault. What does he do to hide throws feelings? *Trigger Warning*
1. Chapter 1

***Trigger Warning***

I lay in my bed after a long day of training and think. Yah I think. Big surprise. It's a way just to sort my brain. Today in practice I kept getting distracted. I'm worried about my family. It's just been hard for us lately. Donnie won't sleep and is relying on coffee as an infinite energy source, Raph just seems angry and is taking it out on not just me but everybody, and Leo is finally healed but still getting over the loss of Master Splinter. He has taken over the role of our Sen-say because he is finished in jujitsu training. I feel horrible. My only job is to make my family smile and I'm failing. It was the only thing that made me feel real. When I used to get down like this Master Splinter used to bring me back up but, he's … not around any more.

I start thinking the only way I can make my family happy is to seem happy my self. My mask I put up is cracked. So I go on Donnie's makeshift computer. I open up Google and search "Ways to make your depressed feelings go away." A few websites open up. I click on the one at the top of the list. A category bar shows up listing different types of horrible feelings. There are things like fat, and unloved, but I see worthless so I click on that. A new tab open the first thing I see is a blade. I read the caption underneath. It talks about cutting. Apparently it's a good way to make your feeling go away because all you can think about is sliding the blade across your skin. It tell me that the best blades are from pencil sharpeners.

I close the laptop forgetting to delete my history and run up to my room. I open up my art box and pull out one of my many pencil sharpeners. I quickly unscrew the screw and pull out the blade. The web site gave all sorts of tips and tricks about hiding the blade and your cuts.

As I hold the blade in my hand I feel a feeling rush threw me. I don't know if it's good or bad. Maybe it just feels powerful. I sit down against my bed and take a deep breath. I unwrap the wraps from my arms. I think back to the site. There was not a single bad comment or risk on the website. I probably should have done more research. Too late now. I push the blade against my skin. I feel the sting but, not anything else. It's working. I push harder and glide it across my skin. It burns but, that's good. I cut over and over again. I don't known how long a cut for. I was stuck in my own little world only to get pulled out by a knock at my door. "Hey Mikey dinner's ready." I figure it's Leo. I say to him, "I'm not hungry," I hear him sigh and walk down the stairs not really worrying. Why worry about me I'm just the dumb little brother. I look down at my arms and see it littered with cuts and blood oozing out of every single one.

I stand up and hurry to the bathroom. I hear shouting down stairs between Leo and Raph, "I'm the Sensei I'm the leader, I'm the big brother. You listen to what I say and do what I say. It's not your job to watch out for me." I just sigh and finish cleaning up my cuts. The website said to use either bracelets, long sleeves, or long gloves but, considering I don't wear clothes I just used my leather wraps.

I hear my stomach rumble. I probably should eat. I look up at the mirror. My skin is a pale green color. I look closer my cheeks are so chubby compared to my brothers. Maybe I should lose some weight. I guess it was a good thing I skipped dinner. The first page said something about fat maybe it has another good tip for me. I decided to head to bed. I pass Donnie's room and see an empty bed. I look out the window and see the barn light on. Maybe I should check on him. The fight have to affect him too. I change my direction down stairs.

I see Raph sitting on the couch surrounded by beers. I open the door and bump into Leo. I look down not wanting to meet his eyes knowing I would spill on Raph. Leo and I have not been the same with each other since the invasion. He takes a deep breath. Wait ts that alcohol I smell. No Leo doesn't drink.

I hear a yell from Casey, "Raph got any more beers." Leo seems to hear and pushes me out of the way. I fall over and hit my head and arm. Needles run up my arm and I grab it trying to ease the pain. It only makes it worse. I hear yelling from the living room. "Raph how many times have you told you not to drink," I hear Raph yell Back as Casey exits the room beer in hand. April please get back from the store. "Hypocrite I can smell the alcohol on your breath from here. How did you find out anyways. Did Mikey tell ya?"

I run for the barn knowing this would some how all get blamed on me like always. Mikey the screw up. Mikey the liability. Mikey the worthless one. I open the barn door and Donnie says, "Leo I already told I'm not going to bed go argue with Raph and leave me out of it. Fight with Mikey for all I care." I frowned at his words and left quietly.

I go back up to my room stealthily avoiding Leo and Raph's shout. Leo already pushed me down I don't want to know what they are willing to do when they're drunk. Maybe he would do it when he wasn't drunk. To maybe teach me a lesson. I'll just stay quiet tomorrow. get threw the day, then cut, clean up and go to bed. I look down at my arm I think I sprained it when I feel. I lay down and close my eyes letting the darkness consume me.

I wake up in the morning to the smell of bacon. My stomach growls in hunger. I ignore it and grab my sketch pad and pencils. I start to draw the cuts on my are from last night. I draw every drop of blood and every soon to be scar. I finish the drawing and flip the page and start to draw Leo looking down at me after he pushed me down. He had a look that showed no mercy. Why people drink while always plague me with wonder. I keep drawing scenes from last night. I soon have a comic from last night. From the website to my bed at night. After having no inspiration I go down stairs for training.

I see the clock says 1 pm meaning I missed Breakfast and Lunch. We start with warm ups. I weasel out of doing push ups so I don't have to put any pressure on my healing cuts. Leo stand in his position and starts, "Okay we are going to have an easy day today because No one besides Mikey had a good night sleep. So we will spar Donnie v.s Mikey ,Raph against I. Yame"

Great he thinks I'm lazy too.

Donnie and I get into position. I can tell in his eyes he is trying to prove something. What went on with him and Leo. I'm so selfish I did not think about them last night. It's all about me me me. I'm the one that's hurting. I need to stop being such a cry baby for them.

Donnie comes at me with a flip. I'm focused and will not let them down again. So I dodge every hit and making perfect attacks. Donnie is on the ground and I walk over and stand next to Raph, "Hey Knucklehead where's the gloating. Come to think of it I haven't heard a word out of your annoying mouth all day." He says as he pushes me to the ground. I wince and see blood dripping out of my wrap. The others did not notice so I just said I had to go to the bathroom. Earning a disappointed glare from Leo. I go to the bathroom passing April. I think she see's my arm. I run to the bathroom and lock the door behind me.

I try and clean up quick. By just rinsing the blood of not cleaning it well. I re-wrap it and hear pounding on the door. "I didn't mean to hurt ya Mikey." I shout out to them, "I fine it was just a nick and I don't like blood." I think they believed me because I did not hear a word about it the rest of the day.

It's Dinner time and I smell the food in the kitchen. My stomach yearns for it. I walk down the stairs and pass the kitchen heading for the door, "Hey Mikey come eat dinner before you go out," Donnie says from behind me. I see them all sitting down with a place set for me. Can't they see I'm fat and I don't need more food. "I'm not hunger I'll be back before dark." I hear a thudding behind me and I leave in a rush. I'm running threw the woods and I hear the leaves crackling behind me.

He tackles me. I turn around to see Raph above me and 4 worried looking figures behind him. "I don't want to eat. Can't you see I'm to fat already." They gasp and Raph lifts me up bridal style, "Mikey you are not fat! This whole time at the farmhouse you have been losing weight but, now who just strait up stopped eating. If I need to feed you, you will eat." I just look down with a blush raising on my face. I seem to find the ground very interesting as he literally carries me home.

We get inside and I expect him to set me down but, he carries me to the table and sets me on the chair. He grabs his plate from across the table and ties my arms behind me so I can't knock the food away.

He brings the food to the mouth without saying a word. Everyone else just sat down and started eating acting like him feeding me is an everyday thing. I only get a few side glances as he brings the food closer. I keep my mouth closed trying to make this difficult. "Okay bro you either open your mouth or I make you do it and this become an everyday thing." I think it over trying to buy myself some time but, apparently I took too long because he starts to tickle my sides and I open my mouth to laugh. He shovels the food in threw out the rest of dinner finally he unties me and I get up to leave but, he grabs my shoulder and says, "Okay Mikey I tried to warn you but, now every day for every meal I will feed it to you and whether or not you cooperate decides how long this goes on for."

I nod and rush out my arm itching for my sweet escape. After a day like today I need it. I swing my door open a grab my blade from under by old comic book stack. I lean against the wall and push hard over and over again. I think I went overboard because I start to feel dizzy. I think about the web site. There were no warnings about this. I start seeing black spots and I scream with my last energy for them. I don't want to die. This was supposed to help those feelings of worthlessness. I see my door break open. I hear a gasp. Then I'm gone.

I wake up with my brothers surrounding me. They all have tear stained faces. I grunt and their head fly up. The tackle me in a hug. I smile feeling loved again. Leo looks at my arm and say, "Why Mikey I thought things were finally back to normal." Donnie looks over at them and says, "What do you think he was feeling he carried our emotions and his on his back for months trying to make us all happy and we pushed him out. I'm surprised he didn't start sooner. Where did you even find out about this." I look down then look up again, "I was feeling really down one day thinking about master splinter. Thinking about us our family. So much has changed. I felt worthless. Like I was a stranger with my own family but, you were my family. I felt like in order to make you happy I could not let my feeling get in the way. So I searched how to get rid of depressed feeling and a website can up about cutting. It gave all sorts of tricks and tips but, said nothing bad. So I tried once and then again. Except the second time I took it to far and you known the rest."

A sad look went over their faces and they hugged me.

**Prologue**

Months after the incident. I'm better but, my brothers not so much. Not like that… No. I share a bedroom with Raph now and I'm literally never alone. It's okay though because it reminds me they love me. They found out about my drawings and now the good ones at least are all around the house littering the walls. We are all getting better. We still have a few bumps in the road but, we ALL are happy.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is an authors note. I just want to say I have had trouble with cutting and if you do or know anyone who is dealing with this problem. Get help or get them help. I thought nothing could help me. I was embarrassed of what I was doing to my body but, I made the mistake of wearing shorts thinking they were healed enough. A teacher say them and told the counselor. I'v been talking to her for months and when I wrote this story I was still cutting. I haven't cut for three months and I'v thrown away the blade. I suggest you to move on and do the same. Bruised and cuts will heal. The memories and scares won't. Don't start and don't continue. **


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